My Dog Is Useless


by William Crisp


This may be embarrassing to admit because it is a reflection of my pet ownership skills, but my dog is useless. Her name is Delta, but it should be “useless.” 

Currently, she is lying right next to me as I write, watching me. She’s not guarding me. No, she is just watching me because I am eating a piece of pizza as I eat lunch while I work. I’ve always been annoyed by useless dogs as much as I am at sharing my last piece of pizza. Her pitiful look annoys me, too. 

It’s that look that asks, “Is there pepperoni on that? I love pepperoni and haven’t had any of that in years.” 




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